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Open Question(s)

What do you do when you are angry? When was the last time that you were angry? Do you get angry frequently?

Feel free to comment anonymously or whatever - but please do comment! be as vague or as detailed as you like, but I would like some answers if you don't mind. :-)

Edit: When I say ANGRY, I mean whatever you define as ANGRY.



( 47 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 13th, 2007 05:31 am (UTC)
First off, I, personally because I'm weird, differentiate "angry" from "annoyed". To ME, Annoyed is when someone is going 10 miles under the speed limit in front of you and you grumble; Angry is when you're PISSED and if someone looks at you wrong, you're likely to bite their head off or shoot a dirty look. Like, annoyed makes you roll your eyes and curse under your breath and angry is when someone would actually be able to TELL you're angry because you seem out of character for more than 5 minutes. Ya know? IDK if that makes any sense, but *I* know what I mean! ^_^

I don't think I get angry that often. Like, maybe, once every 2-3 weeks? When something REALLY gets under my skin? I like to think I'm a surprisingly laid-back, easy-going person despite all the stress. :P I realize people are people, make mistakes, aren't perfect, and don't always do things that make any logical sense. So I think it's REPEAT offenses that cause ANGER in me. And 99% of the time, they're involving my mother or my brother. Sadly, Adam bears the brunt of that, most of the time -- I'm a ranter. I think I'm *pretty* good about getting it out of my system quickly once I'm ranted and SHARED to stupidity / situation that's pissed me off. Like, it'll still linger, but it's way more likely to be expelled if I can share it. Cathardic to me, in some way. Otherwise, yelling at the top of my lungs while driving usually does a similar job of getting it out of me. Like expelling a bad piece of food.

Okay, that went on long enough. So yeah, once or twice a month. I yell / rant to myself or my boyfriend. Then I try to forget about it ASAP because life's too short to go around being mopey or angry for too long! :P
Feb. 13th, 2007 06:22 am (UTC)
I agree about the differentiating. Would you also separate angry and 'irritable'? I tend to think of anger as having to have a reason, like you said REALLY ticked. Irritable has the same sort of reactions/feelings, but usually no good reason that's defineable. Like just "one of those moods" where everything gets to you. Make any sense?
(no subject) - pumpkingod - Feb. 13th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - memeslayer - Feb. 13th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pumpkingod - Feb. 13th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tenthz - Feb. 13th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - memeslayer - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - memeslayer - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 13th, 2007 06:38 am (UTC)
That's definitely an 'open' question. There angry, there's irritated, there's annoyed, etc. I think anytime you're talking about something felt it can be intrepreted a thousand different ways. But that's also what makes it so interesting!

What you do when angry, for me there's the trying to make myself un-angry responses, and the 'I feel verrry justified in being angry and have no trouble being this way now' version. The former usually being when there's no good trigger, which is actually more like irritable. (As long as I'm not depressed) I usually try to fight the irritable-angry by doing things that usually make me content. (Which sometimes involves talking to people, which isn't cool sometimes because I end up taking it out on them in one way or another isntead.) There's also the sad-angry feeling.

The 'good reason' version is too open to go on about. Depends if it's over a person or a thing, etc. I'd say maybe once a week or less. (But then I also have unresolved anger (of the past) issues of sorts going on as well. If something brings that up in my mind it can lead to anger feelings.)

I tend to get irritable rather often (as you probably know :-p). But I wouldn't count that as angry 'cause it's got no good cause, and in fact is probably more related to hormones and chemicals than anything.
Feb. 13th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC)
I rant in my journal and have a nice glass of wine. I don't get really angry very often. There are only a few people capable for really pushing my buttons. Unfortunately, one of them is my mother, but so long as she and I avoid living in the same time zone, it's not too much of a problem.
Feb. 13th, 2007 07:35 am (UTC)
Like Matt, I distinguish between anger and annoyance. Annoyance goes away with time or distraction. I can only get really angry at people (including myself). From Like Heather, I have some unresolved issues, and thinking of those can make me angry. Whether or not I get stuck on a train of thought like that depends on how busy I am, how satisfied I am with my day so far, and where my life is in general. I get angry at least once every day or two, but normally no more than twice a day. This has only been the case for about the last year and a half; except for the very low-level anger that comes with depression, I've only had recurring anger once before, and that ended when I moved out of where I was.

Ranting is something I do for annoyance. When I'm angry I mostly want to hurt things. Since I can't do that, I get frustrated, and the frustration makes me more angry. Not being able to stop being angry then makes me more frustrated, etc. If I'm angry at a person I entertain violent and non-violent revenge fantasies. If I'm angry at myself I start feeling insecure. Trying to distract myself sometimes works, but often it's more effective to dwell on the anger for a while and let it spend itself. I use angry music to help with this. I'm not sure whether actually hurting someone would help. If anyone pushes me to that, I'll let you know. :-p But unfortunately, as long as the issues are unresolved in one way or another, the anger seems to keep coming back. Dirty wounds take a long, long time to heal... assuming they ever do. I very much hope so. It seems to be easier to stop being angry at myself than at other people, but I might be confusing the two. It's also a *lot* easier to not be angry when I'm around friends, since I'm both distracted and (being somewhat introverted) spending energy just dealing with people. Sometimes exercise helps, or any form of getting out and doing something, even if it's just going to the grocery store -- anything that involves movement instead of sitting still. Drinking until I'm sick works, but that's not much better in the end.

If you're not angry, what's this for? Just curious? Nice mood, by the way.
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:14 am (UTC)
I get angry rarely but once I get there if I don't seperate myself from the person making me angry then I stay angry for awhile. I send maxed out text messages to the person. In rare instances if they continue making me angry I shut my phone off so that I can calm down.
Feb. 13th, 2007 12:04 pm (UTC)
I would submit that annoyance, irritibility, frustration... are all forms of anger. It's a category of emotion. In the traditional sense, anger tends to be caused by something specific, as Heather and Matt mentioned, and tends to be particularly strong, but as far as your question, I think I will address my answer to the category.

I like to think there is not a lot of anger in me, but it's not as true as I'd like to think it is. I am easily frustrated and can get all huffy about it sometimes. I'm not sure about frequency. I would guess it happens at least once every three or four weeks. I've never made a study of it. Minor irritations come and go and are forgotten. I have no idea how often they happen.

Anger strong enough to be memorable is uncommon for me. I remember two specific instances of choatic rage in my childhood where I was so angry I didn't know what to do with myself. I think I dealt with it by shouting a lot, slamming doors, and hiding.

I just don't get that angry anymore. When I feel anger coming on I think to myself sarcastically, "I am the most important person in the world!" and then I laugh at myself and try to figure out where the anger is coming from.

Anger is an illusion the arises from our expectations clashing with reality and being unable to reconcile the difference. It helps to examine our expectations closely and try to not expect -- this way we can accept all things.
Feb. 13th, 2007 12:08 pm (UTC)
Oh yes, and it's easy to philosophize, and not so easy to put into practice. But its far far easier if you don't let the anger build. Building anger, bad.
Feb. 13th, 2007 01:58 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I think you are too philosophical for your own good. :-P
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 13th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
I don't really think that not expecting will make people accept. I think it would make things pretty boring in life if 'we' didn't expect anything. We'd become overly complacent with suckiness.
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mountainheather - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mountainheather - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - mountainheather - Feb. 13th, 2007 07:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tenthz - Feb. 13th, 2007 10:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 14th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mountainheather - Feb. 13th, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 14th, 2007 02:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - memeslayer - Feb. 13th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - quilynn - Feb. 13th, 2007 07:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Feb. 13th, 2007 02:13 pm (UTC)
When I'm angry, and I mean really angry, I need time alone. I maybe go on LiveJournal writing and subsequently deleting a post, or I'll go for a drive or something.
Feb. 13th, 2007 03:39 pm (UTC)
I used to write lots of private posts so that way I could say what I REALLY wanted to say during an argument or during what COULD be an agrument. At some point, I stopped, and I'm not sure when or why. I think a bunch of the old ones are there, though, and I should prolly go delete 'em at some point ...
Feb. 13th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
It depends on who I am angry with. If I'm angry at someone I'm extremely close to, like the husband, then I yell and that makes me feel better. If I am angry with an acquaintance at work, I usually just keep very quiet about it and get over it pretty fast.

The last time I was angry? Hmm. Must have been when I learned I had to get that form signed before quitting my last job. I pretty much whined to people I know and kept quiet about it at work. Though I probably told a few people how ridiculous that form was at work, too.

I don't think I do get angry frequently. There are certain things that can be said to me that will inspire immediate agitation, but in general, no, I get sad a LOT more often than I get angry.

I wonder what inspired these open question(s)...
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC)
Apologies for flooding your inbox, Catherine! :-)
Feb. 14th, 2007 05:28 pm (UTC)
I don't get -angry- frequently, although I'm an irritable person and inclined to be snarky or even bitchy. I don't suffer fools gladly, don't put up with time-sucks happily and have trouble behaving graciously toward those I feel are trying to take advantage, but the impatience I feel in those circumstances is not what I'd define as anger.

When I'm angry, it's usually because of a very specific incident that feels threatening to the well-being of me or to someone/something I love. It's when I have to do a little more than grouse about it to friends or family or lj. (You've seen examples of that grousing.) But anger - heart-pounding, glaring, adrenaline-pumping anger - is when I have to DO something, not just kvetch about it.

And what I usually try to do is counter the threat - immediately, by taking steps to improve my sense of security, and by making sure others are aware that I consider the threat dangerous and beyond toleration. (I'm talking nonviolent problem-solving here, not pulling out Catherine's flamethrower. :) ) Later, when I have the luxury of time, I will generally do something to educate myself about the situation and what can be done to mitigate it - whether it's really as serious as I believe, or whether some compromise is possible. But I have that knee-jerk security-first reaction - assess safety, and blow a whistle. "Don't let threats go unnoticed" is one of the main lessons I took out of recovery from abuse.

I'm very aware that my anger is closely tied to fear, so I pay attention when I feel it.

( 47 comments — Leave a comment )



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