Catherine (tenthz) wrote,

Twentysomethings Struggle to Find Their Place in Christian Churches

I didn't read the whole article, but I did read up to where the font mysteriously changes, and then scanned the rest. I am re-affirming the fact that I skipped my "teen-age years". During the time that I had a "1" in front of my age, I was facing life shaping decisions. Maybe I was just mature enough to realize that I was making these decisions? I don't know. But this was the time of my life where I questioned my faith. As a rule, I didn't go to church. I didn't want to participate in something that I didn't believe in. I would stay in bed until it was too late to get to church with the rest of the family - unshowered and undressed for the occasion. I was still made to go on many occasions. I was peer-pressured into joining the FCA(Fellowship of Christian Athletes) in my late high school years. This was around the time that I started to remember things that I never knew. Things about God and faith that were reawakened within me - perhaps that had been asleep for thousands of years. Yet, it seemed like I knew these things before. It wasn't a learning processes - it was a process of remembering.

There is a huge difference here. Learning is about taking things from outside of you, processing them into a form that can be understood, and absorbing the information to be used later. This is what is done with the information that is given to us in science class, history class, etc. Until you are exposed to it - there is no way of knowing about it. It must be given to us by an external source. (okay, so most people could probably figure out the basics of gravity themselves - but that's beside the point.)
Remembering, however, is a completely different process that is harder to explain as it is completely internal. Sometimes something happens in our everyday life that triggers a memory - you see a toy that you used to play with as a child and you have a flash of your younger self playing with it, maybe sounds, smells, other senses associated with that experience. You can relate that memory, but the process of remembering it is hard to explain - however, since most people have experienced it, they have an idea of what happened in your brain.

This process of remembering is how I came to be in a deeply intense relationship with God. Remembering is a unique experience - the process in and of itself can create a new memory. But that initial memory, the memory that was so deeply placed inside my soul, was what began it all for me. It was somewhere during the summer after I graduated from High School. I can only best describe it as a Reawakening - the faith inside of me that was so deeply buried in my soul underneath disbelief came rushing into my life. It was like a memory that had been suppressed for such along time that it was just a vague, fuzzy idea. The more that I concentrate on this memory and allow myself as a conduit for God, the more clearly I can see it - the Whole Picture. Sometimes I don't even realize how much of it I can see now until someone asks me something about God/Christianity (usually Heather) and I know, beyond a doubt, the answer that I didn't know I knew. Huh. It's like telling someone a story about your youth - this is what God wants from us or this is what God really is all about - as you are telling the story, you remember it even more. It is really a beautiful thing, but almost exhausting.

I have never attempted to put all of this into words before, and I hope it makes sense to someone other than me. :-P But as I am writing this today, I wonder how many people on this earth also have this memory inside of them. Perhaps they only need a trigger to awaken the memory in themselves, too. Or perhaps it is so buried under disbelief, false faith, and arrogance that it will take more than a single moment to unearth it. Quite an interesting thought.
Tags: religion
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